The worth of souls

When my husband and I made the decision to raise our children without subjecting them directly to the tyranny of organized religion, we understood that this would not necessarily be the easiest path. We live in a State dominated by religion, a specific religion, that being the same religion that we were both born and raised in and of which exactly EVERY member of our extended families are a part. And in the face of this seemingly vertical battle against the oppressive love of people who wanted only to see us exalted and living with them throughout eternity, we made the choice that for us was the most genuine and true to ourselves.

The sad fact is that Mormons are taught that if you doubt Mormonism at all, then its because you are doing it wrong. You have an unresolved sin, you aren’t praying enough, you are currently sinning, you aren’t praying correctly, or you are again sinning with some sin on top. I’m sure our families are tortured with the thoughts of all our sins that have taken us away from the gospel and by the fact that we won’t be together with them forever in the Celestial Kingdom. Will they come visit us now, here on earth? No. But they stay awake at night crying that we won’t be spending the eternities with them. Go figure.

The truth is there was no praying error or grievous sin, it just turns out that Mormonism isn’t right for us. It isn’t what we believe, deep down in our hearts and souls, and once we figured that out we slept a lot better at night. Its turned out to be a little bit harder on the kids, at least socially anyway.

Another fact is that Mormons are taught that every member is a missionary. This means they are required to share the gospel with everyone they meet or risk losing their eternal salvation. They begin teaching this principle to children well before they teach them to sit quietly in sacrament meeting. Most of the adult members realize that it is socially unacceptable to try converting every one you know, usually sometime after they have had an hour long discussion with their first boyfriend about how Mormons are just plain better then everyone else and then punch him for swearing and sticking his tongue in your mouth. It’s the children though that, by GOD, take this principle to heart with all their might, mind, and strength. They just don’t always have their facts straight.

Its been the hardest on Sunny, maybe because she is older. I’ve heard her friends try to teach her primary songs and scriptures, and give her lengthy instructions on how to pray. She came to me rather upset one day because a friend had told her that if she didn’t get baptized she wouldn’t be able to get a drivers license. Another time I overheard this conversation,

Nameless Brainwashed Child says, “Did you know Heavenly Father created the earth and everything on it in six days?”

Sunny replied, “My dad said the earth was created from an explosion called the Big Bang, and everything on it from the process of evolution.”

At this point the N.B.C. actually became angry and half way shouted, “Well, your dad is a liar and you shouldn’t believe a word he says!”

I should have been angry with that kid and her ignorant self righteous bullshit, but really I was sad. I was sad because I was that kid once upon a time. I know she was only doing what she had been taught was perfectly acceptable by adults who should know better. And every time I think of it I am absolutely giddy that we got the fuck out.