Dec 182006
Dec 142006
I went to the doctor a couple of days ago, for the first time in, oh just about forever. Unless you count my OBGYN, which frankly I don’t because his office was like being put on a human assembly line where you get in, get your business looked at, and then get out without ever making eye contact with anyone. Oh well, I suppose that such is the nature of the baby business in the state with the highest birth rate in the country. You can’t reasonably expect personal service from a man who is seeing about 100 vagina’s a day. You just can’t.
So I finally decided to get a normal doctor, one who could take care of my whole self, not just the parts that multiply and replenish the earth. Over all the experience was very good, although it is somewhat nerve wracking to be sitting on a table wearing only a flimsy gown with a grand canyon sized opening at the back and talking about allergies and depression at the same time. It’s like, I have all these cats so my nose is stuffy and I know you can see my ass right now but you are doing a good job of not looking at it. Thanks.
By far my most favorite part of the visit was having my blood taken. Since my pediatrician was probably the last person who gave me a physical, my doctor decided to do a whole work up on me, which included taking 4 vials of blood. I’m not afraid of needles at all. I am afraid of the people who use them however. I don’t think that phlebotomy is an exact science, I think it just takes a lot of practice. And I don’t really want to be one of the people who gets practiced on, you know what I’m sayin? I have small deep veins that like to bounce around and that always makes the blood drawing process more fun. Having a chatty phlebotomist also makes it more fun. This one talked non-stop during the whole process, and here is not even the most shocking excerpt from her monologue:
“I wish when women were done with their plumbing, it would just fall out because seriously I don’t need it anymore so what is it good for? I mean, if I was at home and it started to fall out I would just pull it out the rest of the way, throw it in the garbage, and go about my business.”
Not a way I’d looked at it before. Thank you for putting that picture in my head. And I REALLY HAVE NO RESPONSE TO THAT.
Dec 132006
It’s as black as my shriveled up, fraudulent soul.Happy Holidays
Dec 082006
Sunny’s beautiful entry for the Reflections contest, in watercolor
Dec 062006
Dec 052006
“Good morning Badger. How did you sleep?”
“I slept motherfucking good.”
Dec 042006
There is a subject that I have been wanting to write about for a long time, but I’ve been afraid of my limited capacity to do it justice. I just get so angry and upset when I think about it that my mind goes blank. I can’t make sense of it. I can’t wrap my mind around it. I can not understand it, let alone write about it. But today I’m going to give it a shot.
For over a year now my parents have been sending me hate mail. This hate mail comes in the form of alerts from a website that my parents subscribe to called the American Family Association. It should really be called the Straight Christian Family Association of Bigots, because that would be much more accurate. On their website they say they are an organization that is dedicated to, among other things, holding companies accountable for supporting programs that attack traditional family values. Or you could say they are hate peddling douche bags with their heads up their asses. Apparently my parents have chosen to take up hate as a hobby in their retirement, reading and following the teachings of that website with a similar devotion that they give to their other hobbies of arguing and reading scriptures, which is to say they are VERY devoted.
The first e-mail alert they forwarded me was calling for a boycott of Target stores, because they were making a corporate contribution to a gay and lesbian charity. I was blown away. Could they be serious? Were they really afraid that any support of gay people would somehow be an affront to their family and their belief in Jesus? Were people really that close minded? Sadly the answer to all those questions was YES. Not just yes, but YES. Because I was still in the midst of my disbelief when I casually mentioned something to my mother about shopping at Target. She informed me that she didn’t shop there anymore because “homosexuality is morally wrong.” To which I lamely responded that gay people were people too! , because naturally I can’t ever think of the right thing to say at the right time. And I was somewhat stunned to think that it was my job to point out the obvious truth to my mother, that we were all human beings that deserved the same rights and privileges as everyone else. That supporting and giving rights to gay people in no way diminishes straight people. It makes us all stronger, more loving people. Plus I was worried I might take it too far and offend her by saying that her morals were an antiquated shield of bigotry and hate. She might have gotten mad at me.
The emails kept coming, and I was getting more angry all the time. Boycott Ford, write your congressman letting them know where you stand on gay marriage, and sign a petition to bring religious(i.e. christian, because what other religion is there that even matters?) celebrations back into schools! Every time I got one of these I wrote an angry email response about how ugly hate in the name of God can be, and really I almost hit the send button every time. But only almost, because I was convinced of the ineffectually of my response.
This Thanksgiving my family came to my house for dinner. The hot new AFA action alert was Wal-mart and their donation of money to a gay and lesbian center, resulting in a boycott of their stores the weekend after Thanksgiving. This topic came up in conversation many times, to which I continually interjected my liberal, amoral ideals. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer, although I probably could have chosen a more eloquent and adult way to address the subject. So when they would say how dumb Wal-mart was for taking a stand on this issue, I would yell out, “Yeah, and gay people should have their own bathrooms and drinking fountains too!” with unmistakable sarcasm people, unmistakable. All my comments were ignored. I was not in the room. I was not speaking. Every time I said something their eyes glazed over and I could almost hear them singing “How Great Thou Art” or another favorite hymn inside their heads to wash their minds of the words coming from my vile forked tongue. It would have been really funny if it wasn’t so sad.
I am continually amazed at people who claim to be followers of Jesus, and then feel justified in spreading hate and intolerance in his name. It’s been a while since I’ve been to church but I thought Jesus taught two basic rules: 1) love the lord, and 2) love thy neighbor as thyself. It’s in the Bible all you Christian people, so what’s with all the hate?
