I went to the doctor a couple of days ago, for the first time in, oh just about forever. Unless you count my OBGYN, which frankly I don’t because his office was like being put on a human assembly line where you get in, get your business looked at, and then get out without ever making eye contact with anyone. Oh well, I suppose that such is the nature of the baby business in the state with the highest birth rate in the country. You can’t reasonably expect personal service from a man who is seeing about 100 vagina’s a day. You just can’t.
So I finally decided to get a normal doctor, one who could take care of my whole self, not just the parts that multiply and replenish the earth. Over all the experience was very good, although it is somewhat nerve wracking to be sitting on a table wearing only a flimsy gown with a grand canyon sized opening at the back and talking about allergies and depression at the same time. It’s like, I have all these cats so my nose is stuffy and I know you can see my ass right now but you are doing a good job of not looking at it. Thanks.
By far my most favorite part of the visit was having my blood taken. Since my pediatrician was probably the last person who gave me a physical, my doctor decided to do a whole work up on me, which included taking 4 vials of blood. I’m not afraid of needles at all. I am afraid of the people who use them however. I don’t think that phlebotomy is an exact science, I think it just takes a lot of practice. And I don’t really want to be one of the people who gets practiced on, you know what I’m sayin? I have small deep veins that like to bounce around and that always makes the blood drawing process more fun. Having a chatty phlebotomist also makes it more fun. This one talked non-stop during the whole process, and here is not even the most shocking excerpt from her monologue:
“I wish when women were done with their plumbing, it would just fall out because seriously I don’t need it anymore so what is it good for? I mean, if I was at home and it started to fall out I would just pull it out the rest of the way, throw it in the garbage, and go about my business.”
Not a way I’d looked at it before. Thank you for putting that picture in my head. And I REALLY HAVE NO RESPONSE TO THAT.
