Absenteeism

If there is one thing about my life that I frequently regret, it’s my complete inability to deal. Or, maybe more accurately, the way I chose to deal with things that are overwhelming to me. I like to hide. I deal by not dealing, which any adult can tell you is totally stupid and won’t get you anywhere.

Lots of times when I was growing up and I couldn’t deal with school, socially or academically, I would just be sick for a few days. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this method of dealing actually made everything worse and more stressful because stuff doesn’t just go away, it compounds. It gets WORSE, so much worse than if you had just fucking dealt with it in the first place. Sheesh!

I would like to think that this is a lesson I’ve learned and a behavior I no longer engage in, but if I thought that I would be lying to myself in addition to hiding from life which makes me even more pathetic.

Anyway, I wish I was going somewhere useful with this, but I’m not. Last week I was still doing painting projects around my house, and being depressed, and taking Sunny to the dentist to get an $800 appliance to help her stop sucking her thumb, and being depressed, and worrying about my cat who is licking herself bloody all over her body and the potential vet bill, and being depressed. And I’m on medicine people. What good is the stuff if it doesn’t work some of the time? I’m not sure.

I think I’ve snapped out of my little episode of hiding and depression though. I had a really nice weekend. My friend Susan gave me some really good tips for things I can do at home to help my masochistic cat. I got my hair done for the first time in months, but I have to say I’m somewhat scared about what was done to it. The sun is out, the weather nice, and I am alive and present.