“Oh.  My.  God.  Mom, my milk is breaking the laws of physics!  It’s fizzing!”

“Let me see this fizzy milk…”

“Oh, I killed it.  With my FIST!”

–Badger, age 7

“Fuck You, and Merry Christmas!”

–Badger, age 7 (after making an awesome kill on Nazi Zombies video game)

“Mom, you are the Best Mom in the Universe.  That is if there are other planets in the universe with highly intelligent animals on them.  If not, Best in the World isn’t bad.”

–Badger, age 7

Badger has just spent about an hour creating a small world out of cardboard and clay. He jumps up and down, like a jack rabbit on speed, and shouts for Leo to hurry over and bare witness to the awesomeness of his creation.

“See, this is the hot dog stand, and this is the tree, and these are the two moons in the sky! This is totally our island!”

Badger has pronounced the word ‘our’ like the letter R. This has obviously confused Leo, and he asks Badger to explain what an “R island” is exactly.

“You know, it’s yours and mine.”

“Oh, you mean OUR…you need to say it like ou-er. Ou-er.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“What if all there was to eat in the world was Toaster Waffles? Then every freezer would be full of Toaster Waffles, and every refrigerator would be full of butter. That would be awesome.”

–my son Badger

“Mom, I figured out the real reason why you are here: to wipe my butt and buy me toys. I love you.”

–my son Badger

“These Imperial Officers are looking up ‘Rebel Plans’ on the Wikipedia! OH NO!”

–my son Badger, while playing the video game Lego Star Wars 2

“Mom, did you know you are only as tall as a 12 year old? But you are really so much older.”

–my son Badger

“I am smarter than you, Mom.”

“Yes, Badger you are very smart.”

“But I AM SMARTER THAN YOU!”

My husband Chris and our friend Elliot are geeks. Nice, sweet, adorable geeks. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit this, but we actually met Elliot through some friends that Chris met playing Quake 2 on the Internet. True story. And they are all totally normal people. Well, as normal as we are, and maybe that’s not so normal. Anyway, the point is we are now friends with people we met on the Internet like 8 years ago. But now I realize that wasn’t my point at all, my point was that Elliot and Chris are geeks and I will start to make sense here sometime.

So for the last month or so they have been geeking out by playing Rainbow Six Vegas on Xbox Live all night 2 times a week. And here is where all my witty remarks and observations reach a complete stalemate, because I am totally lost in the gaming world and I have no idea what to say about it, other than it’s possibly the biggest time sink I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. Maybe even bigger than reality TV or People Magazine or the Interweb in general. Because of course none of the things I do are time wasters, only things others do when they should be TAKING OUT THE TRASH. But I’m not gonna get down on gaming (anymore than I just did) because for my guys it’s a nice entertaining outlet that they participate in moderately and not to excess as is the case with some people. And again I’m am off on a tangent and not following along with the original spirit of what I was intending to write. Sorry.

Some nights when Chris is playing, long after Sunny and Leo have gone to dreamland, Badger being stubbornly awake will climb up on his lap and play with him. As a result Badger has become very interested in all things military. This has sparked the recent purchase of lots of generic brand army guy action figures, tanks, and helicopters that Badger plays with constantly. Last night he brought them in to the kitchen and began giving us a bio of his crew.

To begin with, this is Nick:
Nick is the leader. He has lots of skills. And a cool hat.

This is Bob and George:

Bob was injured in a gun fight trying to retrieve some intel. George has a sweet PSG1 which scares the freaking heck out of people.

And finally, Badger explained, this guy’s name is Bitch:

The other guys call him Bitch because he doesn’t ever know where anything is. Chris mentioned that maybe he should be called Bitch as well, for that very same reason. I agreed.

Here is Nick and Bitch and the whole crew riding into the sunset and Badger is either on his way to becoming a career military man or a total gamer geek. I’m pulling for the latter as it seems to be less stressful on the family.