Dirty Dishes

We are finally done with vacations for a while, which means settling into the day to day routine of having all three kids home all day long because there is no school for them until August 20th. When I say ‘we’ I mean me and the kids, of course, because luckily Chris is going to work every day. And I say ‘luckily’ because right before we left for our vacation to Canada, everyone in Chris’ office was laid off except for Chris and two other people. Ironically the other two people not laid off are also named Chris. This fact confirms what I have already known about this company for some time, that it is being steered by a retard. But, alas, I am grateful that for the time being we still have a paycheck coming in, so I can continue to max out my credit cards and lay by the pool all day long planning my next plastic surgery procedure.

So the kids and I are at home with our old friend Cartoon Network keeping us company. It has been so hot, and with the largest wildfire in Utah history burning in Central Utah, the air outside has become practically unbreathable. These two factors have made me reluctant to let the kids go outside to play. That and I’d also have to make them put something on instead of underwear. Which just seems like too much work right now. Sheesh.

You would think that between the Cartoon Network, Every Gaming System Know to Man, and the Interweb at my children’s disposal there would be no room for boredom in this house. Oh how wrong you are! Happily my children react to boredom the same way most kids do, by either 1) whining till my ears bleed or 2)beating the living crap out of each other. It’s been more 2 than 1 lately, which leaves me feeling like nothing more than a glorified referee. The problem is they seem to enjoy the fighting and wrestling up to a certain point. You know, it’s all fun and games til someone loses and eyeball. Or a testicle. Or a clump of hair from their head. You get the idea.

It seems like Badger, living up to his name, generally begins the fighting by pushing, kicking, or jumping on Leo. And Leo will passively take it and laugh for a while, but grows tired and delivers a punch with 7 year old force to his 5 year old brother. And then they roll around on the floor in a ball of furry, punching and kicking like mad. This is usually where I come in and attempt to break it up, but that only seems to last for a minute, and the whole cycle begins again. For hours and hours. All day long. And more. Inevitably someone ends up crying, and I have to wash my hands of the whole thing because I TRIED TO GET YOU TO STOP ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES AND YOU WOULD NOT LISTEN, FOR SHIT’S SAKE.

Sunny usually steers clear of these fights, but because of her extensive Tae Kwon Do training, when she does get involved it’s pretty brutal. In some ways I feel really good about her having the skills to defend herself, being the only girl with two rowdy brothers. But on the other hand, being a girl doesn’t give you the right to axe-kick your brother in the nards even if he was provoking you. Potential suitors, yes. Brothers, not so much. When she is a dating teenager I fully expect her to knife-hand boys in the neck who try to go past second base. But I would rather she find a different way to deal with her brothers fighting than to potentially ruin my chances of having grandchildren someday.

Honestly, I love having the kids at home. I miss them when they are gone at school. But I think that missing is a good thing. It makes me appreciate my time with them more. And they appreciate each other more too. This year Badger starts kindergarten, which means I will have three deliciously lonely hours to myself every day. I’m looking forward to those hours. And I’m not. How will that time change me? I’ve had a kid around 24/7 for the last 9 years. I’m not sure where I go from here. And I’ve got about a month to figure it out.

Until then, let the fighting commence.