Remember this shrub? The one of which I was so proud? The one that was alive in spite of my total gardening ignorance? That shrub?
This is what it looks like today:
It’s dead as dead can be.
Nov 052007
Aug 012007
Is it August? Already? Really? Nobody told me! Seriously. Nobody.
I’ve been wanting to write a post, a long post about how our neighbors hate us. It is a riveting story; complete with snow, junk cars, kids in yards, cat shit, and (gasp) the police! I’ve been trying to get down all the details in my head for quite some time. But now besides being incompetent and lazy, I am also going on vacation. One last trip before the kids start school and I vow to never leave the house again! ( A vow I just remembered will be broken a week later when I will be kidnapped and taken to Burning Man. I’m not going to be kidnapped because I don’t want to go to The Worlds Largest Counter Culture Festival, but because that is the only way anyone is getting me to leave my house again this calender year. I don’t like leaving my house. Period.)
Anyway, the neighbor story is coming soon-ish, in the mean time satiate yourselves with a picture of the Beast That Started It All:
This is Sunny’s Science Fair project. She watered the one on the left with Sprite and the one on the right with water. Surprisingly the grass LOVED the water, and did not love the Sprite. I think the conclusion of the experiment is that grass has a very dissimilar taste in beverages than children.
Apr 042007
Today I’m busy trying to get Sunny and Leo ready to go out of town for Easter weekend. They will be spending the weekend with their grandparents and cousins in the sunny Southwest, while Chris, Badger, and I will be at home getting drunk. This is going to be a nice little trip for them, because they have been off-track for the last two weeks and have been using that time to tear up the house and beat each other senseless. So instead they will be able to swim in the pool, and play with cousins and of course get their yearly injection of Jesus. This injection means that Sunny will probably return home feeling guilty and Leo feeling annoyed. But hopefully, at least someday, they will know they really aren’t missing anything.
Mar 162007
I have been painting up a storm over the last two weeks or so. I started with the basement, which I wrote about here. Then I moved on to the kids rooms, as I could no longer ignore the loud violent demands of my little monsters (er, I mean ANGELS) to have their rooms painted in their favorite colors. So I busted my ass, and painted all day long for three days so that I could have some peace and quiet. Now that I am done, I have observed just how closely the kids favorite colors reflect their personalities.
Leo’s room in cool blue
Sunny’s room in pale pink
Badger’s room in screaming bright orange
Feb 192007
My good Internet friend Stardust has tagged me to list my five favorite quotes. She had the good sense to leave me a comment about it, knowing that even though I had read her post in which I was tagged, I had no idea she was talking about me. I am that oblivious. If it doesn’t have something to do with Pokemon, Spongebob, or Access Hollywood, I have obviously learned to filter it out. AS WELL I SHOULD!
Anyway, if you are one of those people who regularly reads this blog you know already that some of my favorite quotes come from my three beautifully funny children, but here are 5 other quotes I really like:
1. “The great religions are the ships, poets the life boats. Every sane person I know has jumped overboard. That is good for business, isn’t it Hafiz?”– Hafiz (from the Gift)
2. “I do like him. I’m sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I respect…”– J.D. Salinger (from Franny and Zooey)
3. “Making the decision to have a child-it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”– Elizabeth Stone
4. “If you are depressed, please know that you are not alone. Please get help. If you know someone who is depressed, please understand that they are in pain, and please help them get help. Most importantly, listen to music a little louder, dance a little crazier, sing out loud in the shower, honk your horn for no reason, give your dog an extra treat, call your mother and tell her you love her, hug your friends even if they aren’t the touchy-feely type, eat french fries once even though your diet tells you not to, walk around your house naked, and hold tight to your motherfucking family.”– Heather Armstrong
5. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”– Lily Tomlin
Feb 082007
I have changed the template for my blog. If you find this at all jarring, then I am sorry. Sometimes I like to change things up, as long as it’s not my clothes, or my hair, or where I go to sleep at night. Everything else is fair game. Maybe.
Sep 202006
In order to celebrate the unofficial one year anniversary of Dirty Dishes I decided to make some changes to the site. I got the new blogger beta thingy and I’m trying that on for size. I’m also going do as my son Badger would and walk up to a giant mirror, turn around, smack my ass, and stick out my tongue.
Sep 192006
I don’t really watch very much TV (unless you count Spongebob because I watch a shitload of Spongebob) probably because I don’t really have the time or the brain cells to waste on a lot of insipid crime and medical dramas not to mention what passes for comedy these days. However, while I am by no means a reality TV junkie (not that there is ANYTHING wrong with you if you are) I do enjoy the occasional reality TV show.
For example: I was sick, and I mean sick!, for the first two seasons of American Idol, but somewhere in the middle of Fantasia’s rise to the top I lost interest and have never looked back. I really enjoyed both seasons of The Biggest Loser. And I am now currently in love with the E! Network’s inside look at the lives of Hugh Hefner’s three girlfriends called The Girls Next Door. Why I love this show so much is a little hard for me to explain. While it is true that these girls are not among the most intelligent or even interesting people I have ever watched on TV, I love that they are out there somewhere living their life in the way they want with no apologies, perhaps the way you can only if you live in southern California. I also love the fact that Hef is openly engaging in a widely accepted polyamorous relationship. It gives me hope that some day all relationship models, straight, gay, or multiple people, can be recognized and accepted in this country. Plus the girls are pretty hot.
And for the last three months, like so many teenyboppers the world over, I have been addicted to a little show called Rockstar: Supernova. It’s easy to see why I would love this show so much. It’s rock and roll people! And Dave Navarro. What’s not to love? So for a whole HOUR every Tuesday and Wednesday for these last few months I watched and fell in love with Lukas, Dilana, and Toby (oh, Toby!) and I equally hated Storm and Jill. And don’t even get me started on the human car crash that was Zayra! I was rooting for Toby to win, but when they chose Lukas instead I was happy. But now it’s over. And this is the problem with reality TV everybody, when it’s over it’s really over. Sure next summer there will be another incarnation of Rockstar, but there will be a new band and new contestants and will I like them as much? Can I even hope to? Naturally I’m skeptical.
Today is Tuesday. The first Tuesday with out my Rockstar and I’m trying to face the reality that I have to do something instead of watching Jason Newstead be really cute and dorky. I’m going to be forced to clean my house, help my kids do homework, or do the fucking dishes.
Jul 192006
I grew up in a somewhat cash strapped household. We had a house, one car, food, and nice hand-me -down clothes, everything else was a luxury that we enjoyed while over at a friends house. I’m positive that my mother wore the same navy blue polyester pants and white tennis shoes for my entire childhood. I distinctly remember the day we got our first microwave oven, in 1991. It was a least a full 5 (if not more) years after everyone we knew in the world had a microwave. As my dad and two other people lifted the mammoth onto its new cart-home in the corner of the kitchen I shouted: “WELCOME TO THE 1980′S EVERYONE!” We could now unevenly heat any meal we felt like. It was a momentous day.
We got our first television set that same year. My parents must have hit some secret lottery. Or maybe sold a younger sibling on the black market for extra cash. I suspect the latter, because gambling is a sin. What ever the case in 1991 we began to move solidly into the lower middle class. Prior to Christmas 1991 our television viewing had been limited to whatever old, half-broken set had been donated to us. Those TV’s never lasted long and were generally hard to watch through the rolling or crazy colors of the failing picture tube. So as my dad and 4 other people moved the giant TV console into our family room I shouted: “WELCOME TO THE 1950′S EVERYONE!” I wasn’t very original.
We never had a computer at home. I never learned how to use one. I believe that not knowing how to use a computer and being too shy to ask is the reason I couldn’t finish college. If only that black market baby money had gone farther, I could have had a computer and possibly a college degree. Oh the humanity.
The fact is that today technology is everywhere, and I couldn’t really avoid it if I wanted to. There wasn’t really a snowballs chance in hell that my kids would grow up the same way I did. We have a microwave. We have 5 TV’s. We have the ability to pause and record live TV. We have several computers. We have cell phones. We have goddamn toys that can talk!
When I was little I would always pretend that my stuffed animals could talk back to me. I spent hours imagining what they would say. A couple of days ago Sunny and Leo each got a Furby toy. This is a toy that will actually talk back to you. Seriously. You talk to the thing, it talks back, tells you a joke, sings a song, does a little dance, then asks to go to bed. I don’t think toy makers understand the ramifications of making such a toy: that children of the future will have no imagination. But somehow I don’t think I need to worry about my kids in the imagination department.
As soon as the kids got home with their prize Furbys, and unpacked them, they ran straight into Leo’s room and began yelling at them. “Hey Furby!” “HEY Furby!” “HEY FURBY!”, desperately trying to illicit a response from the thing. A few minutes later Sunny came out of the room, and we could hear Leo bawling. So I asked Sunny if she knew why Leo was crying, she said;
“He’s crying because his Furby said he was stupid and he hated him.”
Now I ask you people, do we need toys that talk when they only have ugly, negative things to say? Is technology really helping us at all? All the images of ultra skinny actress on TV. All the advertising promoting soul crushing consumerism. All the unevenly heated microwave food! And now, even though there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that Leo’s Furby actually said those things, NOW we have name calling toys. As my mother would say, it’s a sign of the times and the end is upon us. Amen.
(it just looks evil, doesn’t it)
