Dirty Dishes

I spent the weekend with my family(the one I was born into, not the one I have chosen to spend my life with) for the celebration of an important milestone in one of my nephews lives. I went there, get this people, by myself! My cute little kiddies got to spend a wonderful bonding weekend at home, with their father. I did enjoy being alone, with no one to tend to, no sippy cups to fill, endless pb&j’s to make, butts to wipe, fights to break up, baths to give, sippy cups to fill again, snacks to get, sippy cups to fill one more time, for a full 36 hours! Oh Sweet Jesus, the luxury of it all! But it also meant that I was without all the hugs, kisses, smiles, and I love you’s. Its the sweet irony of life. Sweet, sweet irony. I want you to know you are not lost on me! No sir!

I went to my sisters house. I have to admit I was fully expecting to be pretty annoyed. My family has that effect on me occasionally(often, really) and I sometimes(usually) try to break up my visits with them with visits to other people. I went to my parents house over the summer, and I WANTED to have a good time. I swear I did. I missed them and hadn’t seen them in months. I was however so uptight and annoyed with everyone there that I had a completely miserable time. I think the main factors in my discontent are thus 1) my whole family are members of a religion that I no longer affiliate myself with, a religion that they enjoy sitting around and discussing AT LENGTH, as if there is NO OTHER SUBJECT IN THE WORLD, and its a subject I really don’t share an interest in, thusly it creates a distancing effect 2) I have depression and when I am depressed I am highly irritable, therefore all the religious discussions and every other little thing bother me even more than they normally would. I was self medicating my depression during the summer, and while I know this is successful for many people, it was not working for me.

What I have to report from my visit this past weekend is all positive(mostly). My medication is working, people! Praise to the pharmaceutical companies, the doctors, and the FSM. I was able to go and have a nice enjoyable weekend with my family, in spite of the religious clobberings I endured. I am happy I got to spend the time with my family, and support my nephew in this important journey he is making. I think its important for them to know that I care about them, so they don’t start to hate me for being the heathen sinner that I am.

But what is really amazing about going away for a day or two, is that I get to come back home. Home to the family I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. Home to the place and the people that I feel the most alive around, the most myself, the most real, the most loved. My hope is that I can live every day in happiness, stillness, and gratitude for every moment I’m given with them.