“I’m OK, it’s just pain!” -Leo, age 10
Jun 022010
Oct 192009
So, I moved over here and have yet to really post anything of substance. It’s disappointing I know. But I didn’t want to jump into something lightly. For one thing my kids have found this blog. Which I have to say is awesome. They are my biggest fans I’m sure. They sit and read it over and over. And the laughter! They laugh so hard it’s enough to make me cry. It’s why I’m so grateful I’ve done this little project. It’s why you should have kids then write down everything they say. It will one day make them laugh, and that is enough. However it also brings a certain weight to my words. I want to say things the right way, or the rightest way I can, to do them justice and make the words live up to the people they are about. Because those people are the best people I have ever known. I might be a little biased, because I made those people, but you understand what I mean. Therefore I’ve been putting a lot of thought into this post, mulling it around, trying it on, feeling it out, and what have you.
The kids went back to school about two months ago. Badger and Sunny are doing well. Leo’s teacher is trying to kill me. She called me in for a conference with her four different times in six weeks. Four different times. I took treats into the class for Leo’s birthday and she made me go out into the hall to talk with her about how poorly he was doing. On his birthday. And what, in her opinion, is he doing wrong? He has trouble completing assignments. Or he completes them and doesn’t turn them in. He doesn’t pay attention to instructions. His handwriting is illegible. He thinks he is too smart and doesn’t have to work. He purposefully ignores her. That’s right. Leo’s teacher thinks he is out to get her. Does that sound healthy to you? Because it sounds fucking nuts to me.
And he is smart. In third grade he tested at an eighth grade reading level. And he is definitely eccentric. He uses big words a lot. He often says things like “we are working in unison” instead of ‘together’ or “no matter, I don’t want to cause a hubbub” or a million other funny things that make him sound like he’s a 65 year old society gentleman. He can be very serious, and feel the weight of the world on him. He also easily understands the subtleties of humor, and makes the funniest jokes. And he is responsible. He got a pet lizard for his birthday and takes excellent care of him, feeding him every night and making sure he has water. I don’t want to point fingers but Sunny had this hamster that she saved all her Christmas money to buy one year, and subsequently never looked at the thing. It was for all intents and purposes MY hamster. I fed it and cleaned it’s cage for two and a half years until it died a death of constipation, of which I’d rather not speak. This is how I expect a 10 year old to treat a small caged pet. But Leo is very conscientious. He worries about his lizard when he is away. He wants to grow old with the lizard. He loves this lizard. Does this sound like a boy who is out to get his teacher?
So after six weeks of struggle the teacher’s solution to helping Leo do better in school was to write me a daily note telling me how bad he did that day and everything he had done wrong. She felt this would motivate him to do better. It actually made him feel terrible about himself. On a daily basis.
My solution was to call his doctor. We were lucky and got in on a canceled appointment within four days of calling. The next appointment was in six weeks. I was going to have to ask to move him to another class or take him out of school if I couldn’t get him in for six more weeks. I couldn’t have his teacher continue to tear him down on a daily basis for six more weeks.
The doctor was very helpful. He offered a lot of solutions, one of which was to put Leo on a daily medication to help him concentrate on his work. And I was never going to do this. I was never going to be the parent that medicated their child. I didn’t believe it was the answer. But guess what? I read about the medicines and their effects. I know lots of people personally who are on these medicines, and I talked to them about their experiences. I decided to have Leo at least try them and see if it helped. Because who am I but a person who for years took a pill every day to help myself feel better. I didn’t believe in medicating depression before either. I was wrong.
He has been taking the medicine daily for the last two weeks and has had two weeks of good daily reports from his teacher. Not one complaint since. He completes his assignments and turns them in. His handwriting has improved greatly. He says he doesn’t feel different. He is still witty and eccentric and caring. He is still Leo.
Is this a long term solution? I don’t know. It’s working now though. And like the rest of life, we’ll just have to see how it goes.
Nov 082007
It is once again off track time here in our little corner of suburbia. As I’ve mentioned before my kids go to a school that is on a year round schedule. A school that once, all the way back in ’05, held the proud distinction of being the most populated elementary school in the state of Utah. Go Mormons, and their love for multiplying and creating urban sprawl. Not that I have any room to talk, because I’m contributing to the sprawl just as much as the faithful church goers. I’m trying to do my part to limit the multiplying though. Even though I have three kids, which in some places constitutes a large family, here in Utah you aren’t being a good Mormon if you don’t have at least four. Because naturally every child you have over three multiplies your blessings by like a million. And naturally Jesus can shove my extra blessings up his ass.
We are thankfully nearing the end of our three week break, with all it’s ups and downs. Sunny and Leo have been living life to the fullest, planted firmly on the couch in front of the video game du jour. Every suggestion I’ve made for an outing is met with disdain, because there is no XBox 360 at the Utah Children’s Museum! And I don’t have the energy to force them to be well rounded and interesting people. Let them be lumps because they will fit right in with all their suburban contemporaries. And one day they will resent the fact that I never took them anywhere.
My one hope is Badger, who has spent his off track time doing art projects. He has gone through an entire pack of nice white printer paper, drawing, cutting and endlessly taping. He tore through 3 packs of post-it notes, drawing a picture of a future occupation on each one. He has made at least 10 full sized paper people. He won’t stop and he won’t allow any of his creations to be discarded. It’s as annoying as it is endearing. But a least it isn’t video games.
Jul 122007
We are finally done with vacations for a while, which means settling into the day to day routine of having all three kids home all day long because there is no school for them until August 20th. When I say ‘we’ I mean me and the kids, of course, because luckily Chris is going to work every day. And I say ‘luckily’ because right before we left for our vacation to Canada, everyone in Chris’ office was laid off except for Chris and two other people. Ironically the other two people not laid off are also named Chris. This fact confirms what I have already known about this company for some time, that it is being steered by a retard. But, alas, I am grateful that for the time being we still have a paycheck coming in, so I can continue to max out my credit cards and lay by the pool all day long planning my next plastic surgery procedure.
So the kids and I are at home with our old friend Cartoon Network keeping us company. It has been so hot, and with the largest wildfire in Utah history burning in Central Utah, the air outside has become practically unbreathable. These two factors have made me reluctant to let the kids go outside to play. That and I’d also have to make them put something on instead of underwear. Which just seems like too much work right now. Sheesh.
You would think that between the Cartoon Network, Every Gaming System Know to Man, and the Interweb at my children’s disposal there would be no room for boredom in this house. Oh how wrong you are! Happily my children react to boredom the same way most kids do, by either 1) whining till my ears bleed or 2)beating the living crap out of each other. It’s been more 2 than 1 lately, which leaves me feeling like nothing more than a glorified referee. The problem is they seem to enjoy the fighting and wrestling up to a certain point. You know, it’s all fun and games til someone loses and eyeball. Or a testicle. Or a clump of hair from their head. You get the idea.
It seems like Badger, living up to his name, generally begins the fighting by pushing, kicking, or jumping on Leo. And Leo will passively take it and laugh for a while, but grows tired and delivers a punch with 7 year old force to his 5 year old brother. And then they roll around on the floor in a ball of furry, punching and kicking like mad. This is usually where I come in and attempt to break it up, but that only seems to last for a minute, and the whole cycle begins again. For hours and hours. All day long. And more. Inevitably someone ends up crying, and I have to wash my hands of the whole thing because I TRIED TO GET YOU TO STOP ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES AND YOU WOULD NOT LISTEN, FOR SHIT’S SAKE.
Sunny usually steers clear of these fights, but because of her extensive Tae Kwon Do training, when she does get involved it’s pretty brutal. In some ways I feel really good about her having the skills to defend herself, being the only girl with two rowdy brothers. But on the other hand, being a girl doesn’t give you the right to axe-kick your brother in the nards even if he was provoking you. Potential suitors, yes. Brothers, not so much. When she is a dating teenager I fully expect her to knife-hand boys in the neck who try to go past second base. But I would rather she find a different way to deal with her brothers fighting than to potentially ruin my chances of having grandchildren someday.
Honestly, I love having the kids at home. I miss them when they are gone at school. But I think that missing is a good thing. It makes me appreciate my time with them more. And they appreciate each other more too. This year Badger starts kindergarten, which means I will have three deliciously lonely hours to myself every day. I’m looking forward to those hours. And I’m not. How will that time change me? I’ve had a kid around 24/7 for the last 9 years. I’m not sure where I go from here. And I’ve got about a month to figure it out.
Until then, let the fighting commence.
May 172007
About a week ago Leo started complaining that his old shoes were too tight on his feet. Leo has short, wide feet a lot like Chris’ feet which strongly resemble those of Fred Flintstone. This means that Leo’s shoes always start to hurt him on the sides rather than the end when they become too small. It also makes the right kind of shoes somewhat hard to find. They have to be loose and stretchable and reasonably priced so I won’t lose my mind when they don’t fit again in a few months. Naturally, I heard “shoes too tight” and automatically thought: Target! and Shopping! I immediately ran out and found these super cute shoes:
To me they say: loose and easy to get on, yet hip and fun! And initially Leo felt the same. He wore them to school for a few days, then he came home complaining that a little girl in his class kept stepping on his feet because of these shoes. Being as wise in the ways of women as I am, I know that a little girl stepping on a little boy’s feet= love. However to Leo getting his feet stepped on = pain. Not so much different from grown up love Leo! Learn your lesson now. Surprisingly this lesson is lost on him though, and his solution is to never wear the shoes again.
While at Target I also found this really cute shoes for Sunny, even though she hadn’t asked for new shoes, I saw these and I thought: how punk rock in a cute and sassy way!
But Sunny was immediately skeptical, saying she wasn’t sure if it was OK to wear these kinds of shoes to school because she had never seen anyone else wearing them. I pointed out that Leo had worn this very kind of shoe to school without any repercussions, other than being stepped on. He was not sent to the Principal, or asked to not wear that kind of shoes for any reason. This made no difference to her because he is only in first grade, and she is in third, so maybe the rules are different? So now I am somewhat worried about the implications of having a child who will not do anything unless she has seen someone else do it first. But I suppose I am mostly worried because that behavior really mirrors the way I was as a child, only I had way less personality and spunk than Sunny has. I am hopeful she will get past the fear of being different or wrong. It’s a hard way to live, wanting to be right for everybody else and not thinking about what is right for you. It’s something I didn’t learn until I was like 30.
This morning when Sunny got ready for school she put on her clogs, similar to these ones of Badgers (only hers are pink):
and as she headed out the door she said: “I’ve seen lots of people wear these kind of shoes to school, so I know it’s alright.”
I know Sunny is strong, and will be a leader. I’m sure of it. Just not when it comes to shoes.
Apr 102007
We had a nice weekend, with just Badger home, even though he followed me around talking about video games at a gozillion miles an hour. And we missed Sunny and Leo tons. The days were so strangely…(I want to say quiet here but quiet isn’t right because it wasn’t quiet with all the Badger talking, it was noisier, so much noisier but with less fighting and friends over eating all my snacks)….empty (that’s the right word) without them.
It was great spending time with just Badger though, and I think that is important for him because being the youngest I think he feels ignored many times. So besides spending a lot of time bonding over video games with Chris this weekend, Badger also did this:
Went to Target to spend some allowance money and purchased the pin toy thingy.
Rode his bike around the back patio.
Stalked an enemy target.
Got a basket from the Easter Bunny, after which he exclaimed: “So Halloween and Easter are both about candy!” Yes Badger, the heathen Easter is exclusively about candy. Yay!
Sunday afternoon we drove down to Utah County to pick up Sunny and Leo. We were so happy to see them. So happy to have them back. I especially felt so happy that these amazing little people are a part of my family. And happy that, even though it is sometimes hard to live, life is its own reward.
I decided yesterday that I was going to quit writing about all the ways in which we have been and are sick in this house. I’m finding it annoying. And if I’m annoyed by it, that has to mean that you all are are down right disgusted. I mean every day a new illness and you have to be saying, “For the love of Pete! What passes for hygiene in that house? Wiping their butts with their hands then eating a sandwich and washing it down with a glass of water from the ditch were their horses pee?” It must be horrifying. But my answer is: Yes, that IS what passes for hygiene in this house, except you forgot the part where we sit around eat each others boogies.
But I have this one more story to tell and it involves the fact that last night I took some cold medicine before bed, to clear my head of that jar-like feeling I so love. I took the medicine and laid down in my bed to die of the common cold, when Sunny came in and jumped up next to me and excitedly asked me to go down to her room and listen to her read. This is a nightly ritual, as she is required to read at least 20 minutes every night for her reading grade at school. Chris and I usually take turns listening to her read out loud from what ever book strikes her fancy that evening. Lately she has been picking these really big, ambitious, sixth grade level books like this one. I think she was inspired by her teacher, who is reading this book out loud to the class. I think it’s just fine that she wants to read these difficult books, because it helps improve her reading skills, but generally her attention only lasts for a few chapters before she switches to a new book. I’m pretty sure that’s age appropriate. Plus for me it’s like getting the Reader’s Digest version of Children’s Classics.
So Sunny reads a few pages to me out of Inkspell while I lay on her bed next to her. I am tired, and sick, and beginning to feel the effects of my cold pill. I guess Sunny could sense my distraction, because after those first few pages she pauses reading and begins to quiz me.
“Now, tell me what happened in the page I just read Mom.”
“Ah, ummm, ah….well, someone got read back into a book…?”
“And what was his name?”
“Ummm, well….ahhhh….”
“It’s ok Mom, sometimes I have trouble paying attention too.”
She smiled and patted my arm, and all I could think was wonderful, wonderful, and more wonderful. Oh, Sunny. Thank you so much for being the amazing, sweet, loving person that you are. When you came into my life you made everything more alive and more beautiful by teaching me how to love in a way I didn’t know was possible. And you still teach me, every day.
Feb 282007
For the last few days I’ve been working on a little painting project in my basement, trying to cover up almost six years worth of nicks, scuffs, and pop bottle explosions with a fresh coat of semi-gloss beige. Because why should I try to clean the walls, when I can just cover them up? But really I’m just teasing myself there, because it is a fact that those walls were well beyond any cleaning of which humans are capable. Plus I love the smell of paint.
So yesterday, while Leo was home sick and laying on the couch watching cartoons, I went down to the basement to paint. I turned on the TV down there to keep me company. We have this like jumbo screen TV in our basement that sadly only ever gets used for playing Gamecube, but yesterday I turned on one of my favorite programs, The View, so I could hear Rosie and Joy talk over Elizabeth like she is not even in the room. Ahhh, never getting a word in edgewise brings back such warm fuzzy memories of my childhood. Thanks, Elizabeth. As soon as I turned it on I noticed that the colors were all messed up. Every ones faces were bright green, and the background was radiant blue. But because no one ever watches TV down there, and I was only having it on to listen to and not really watch, I didn’t bother trying to fix the color.
After a few minutes Leo wandered downstairs to see what I was up to, and he stared at the TV for a long time before he asked me this question:
“What are you watching Mom?”
“It’s called The View.”
“Their faces are all green.”
“Yeah, the color is messed up.”
Then he says in a deadly serious tone: “I think this must be a show where radioactive people get together to talk about their lives.”
Oh God, Leo. I can’t wait for the day that you are in charge of television programming, because it’s gonna be a hoot.
Feb 212007
My husband Chris and our friend Elliot are geeks. Nice, sweet, adorable geeks. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit this, but we actually met Elliot through some friends that Chris met playing Quake 2 on the Internet. True story. And they are all totally normal people. Well, as normal as we are, and maybe that’s not so normal. Anyway, the point is we are now friends with people we met on the Internet like 8 years ago. But now I realize that wasn’t my point at all, my point was that Elliot and Chris are geeks and I will start to make sense here sometime.
So for the last month or so they have been geeking out by playing Rainbow Six Vegas on Xbox Live all night 2 times a week. And here is where all my witty remarks and observations reach a complete stalemate, because I am totally lost in the gaming world and I have no idea what to say about it, other than it’s possibly the biggest time sink I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. Maybe even bigger than reality TV or People Magazine or the Interweb in general. Because of course none of the things I do are time wasters, only things others do when they should be TAKING OUT THE TRASH. But I’m not gonna get down on gaming (anymore than I just did) because for my guys it’s a nice entertaining outlet that they participate in moderately and not to excess as is the case with some people. And again I’m am off on a tangent and not following along with the original spirit of what I was intending to write. Sorry.
Some nights when Chris is playing, long after Sunny and Leo have gone to dreamland, Badger being stubbornly awake will climb up on his lap and play with him. As a result Badger has become very interested in all things military. This has sparked the recent purchase of lots of generic brand army guy action figures, tanks, and helicopters that Badger plays with constantly. Last night he brought them in to the kitchen and began giving us a bio of his crew.
To begin with, this is Nick:
Nick is the leader. He has lots of skills. And a cool hat.
This is Bob and George:
Bob was injured in a gun fight trying to retrieve some intel. George has a sweet PSG1 which scares the freaking heck out of people.
And finally, Badger explained, this guy’s name is Bitch:
The other guys call him Bitch because he doesn’t ever know where anything is. Chris mentioned that maybe he should be called Bitch as well, for that very same reason. I agreed.
Here is Nick and Bitch and the whole crew riding into the sunset and Badger is either on his way to becoming a career military man or a total gamer geek. I’m pulling for the latter as it seems to be less stressful on the family.
Nov 062006
This is what happens when I attempt to take a nice photo of my three children. I have 20 others exactly like this (photos, not children). This picture is absolute proof that my kids have learned to filter out my voice completely, or else the phrase “LOOK AT ME AND SMILE” means nothing to them.
